On being a Grandmom

Well, I'm still in cleveland with my little Adalyn. She is really growing up and soooo smart. She can count to 15! How cool is that. She's a lot of fun but being here visiting is very stressful. I guess having your parents visit causing stress. Tate and Julie seem to be doing well one minute and then the next minute it's chaos. I feel very uncomfortable and just want to disappear. I wonder how much of Tate's behaviour is my fault. As a parent you want the best for your kids and want them to be happy. I don't see them as being very happy. It seems that they are dealing with so much pain and hurt that they totally miss noticing that the other is hurting as well. I wish that they would stop and listen to what the other is saying. They seem so sad and probably depressed. They have started marriage counseling and I hope that that will help them to stop with the blaming each other for whatever they are feeling and start learning how to heal and listen to each other. I feel responible for the fact that Tate has so much anger. He had a tough childhood and I'm sure that that contributes to his anger issues now. I really hope that they can make it work and be happy. I don't want them to look back 20 or 30 years from now and wish they could do it over. We don't get a chance for do overs so it's important to do the best we can every day. I was watching Oprah the other day and it was about children of 9/11 and one thing struck me hard and that was that the children want to live up to their parents legacy! They will go through life trying to be as good a person as the parent that was killed that day, was to them. How great is that. They could be angry and sad and I'm sure at times they are, but they all said that they want to be the kind of parent that their parent was to them. Another similar topic was addressing how some people are successful and others are not with the same or similar scenerios (professional sports players making lot of money) and how different they live their lives. The difference according to one who made it says it's all about having a good role model or someone to look up to and to not want to disappoint. The athlete was Tiki Barnes who said his mother would have beat his butt if he did wrong and he still looks up to her today and still continues to live up to her standards and wants to make her proud. It made me realize that perhaps Tate never had that role model to live up to and is still finding his own way and learning how to deal with the anger and disappointment that he feels. I do hope that he can find his way and learn that life is to be lived and to be happy. Each day with a loving family is to be treasured not wasted feeling sorry for yourself or looking outside for happiness. It starts by looking inside and living each day as you would want to be remembered for. You are your childrens legacy. I wish I could have a do-over as well and I wish that I was as good a parent as I am a grand-parent. I guess that's god's way of geving us a do-over. We get to be grandparents. Tate and Julie are great parents and Ada couldn't be loved more or treated better however, children do live what they learn and learn what they live and it's important to know that they do understand much more than we give them credit for and they don't miss a thiing. I love Tate and Julie and want to spend time with them and Ada but I hope that life around here will get better before I visit again. I'll pray for them and support them as much as I can.

More later